You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I will be naked everywhere
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
