Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
