the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
