Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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