i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
