I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
