i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
