I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
