Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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