dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
