I'm lost and stupid without you.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
being pregnant is like rehab
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
