Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They are going to name an STD after you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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