I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
