I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
