friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
