are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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