Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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