I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
