i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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