Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
