apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
