Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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