i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
