I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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