just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
