yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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