y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
