No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
