What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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