we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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