I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
