Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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