Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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