wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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