FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
