I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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