I got chris browned last night
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
