I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
