You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
