it was like his penis was on wheels.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
