Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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