Your tits are I can't wait for
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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