I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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