and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I supernannyed him into submission
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
