Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
