At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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