I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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