I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
