This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
