just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
